Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Living Single

I was reading a blog this afternoon by a young woman who I think is in her 20’s (not sure of her exact age) and who is frustrated by her unmarried status. She seems to be in the yeshivish community and her dating habits are by the standards of that community. More than anything else, she seems to be waiting, and not pursuing any larger things in life other than waiting to be married.

Here’s what I wrote in a comment on her blog:

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I got married at 33. Yes, I'm male and I was (and am) modern Orthodox, so it was easier for me, but I think the following might still be helpful.

I never felt those years before I got married were wasted. I matured, figured out who I really was, and gained many, many friends, from many walks of life. I gained perspective on the world and learned to appreciate others. I built a career, traveled to Europe, went hiking and camping in national parks, read & learned. I learned new skills, sang in a choir, and developed new hobbies.

And yes, I dated. But I never approached dating as an all-or-nothing game. I enjoyed the company of many young women, even when it didn't go past a second or third date. We went to concerts, movies, plays, and sporting activities. We visited historical sites, museums, and went to lectures.

In short, I lived.

To me, it doesn't sound like you're living. It sounds like you're waiting. What makes you think that marriage will suddenly make you live? Marriage doesn't change a person automatically.

Go out and Live. Then you'll meet someone who's also alive and be happy with him.

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